Archive for March, 2012

Halo… the best what kind of game?

Posted in with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

So I am minding my own business, doing some work for when I get a message on Skype.

Boss: “Jack, one of our followers on twitter wants Halo Reach added to the site.”

“You can’t be serious…”

Boss: “Yeah, one of our new followers wants Halo Reach added to the site.”

“I hope he is a college kid who has Halo Reach in his beer drinking games group.”

Boss:  “I won’t ask.  Just add the game.”

Right now many of you probably only have 1 question, “what the heck is a beer drinking games group… it sounds absolutely amazing!”  Well I am glad you asked.  A beer drinking game group is a collection of video games that can and should only be played while drinking beer.  It is one of those 2-5 am video games during college where you come back from a late night party, order a large pizza, and pick up your sticks (controllers for you nbes) with friends.  The interesting thing about the beer drinking game group is that if one of the players didn’t go to the same party, or an equal level of party, they seem to always win.  What dicks.  Anyway, in addition to Halo, some other games in my beer drinking game group include, Mario Kart (for all systems), Fusion Frenzy, Super Smash (all systems), Fifa (even though I can play sober), Mario Party, and Wii Golf… Basically any game that doesn’t record your drunk stats – can any of you guess why?


Halo has and will always be in this beer drinking category for me because a. I never win (haha) b. I always eat the most pizza (again haha) c. have a tendency to pass out holding sticks (smiley face).  I know there are people out there who can relate to this category or have other games they want to add to this group, so please feel free to comment or email me with your favorite beer drinking games.

With that being said, I  did some research on this tweeter and was very happy with what I found.  Not to my surprise he is a college kid who drinks beer, likes sports, likes females, and plays video games…(That’s right I asked him)  Game on my dude.  Just remember if you are going to play video games while drinking beer, don’t play games that keep stats – I mean use to find gamers like you.  🙂



This is hilarious… a true wtf moment

Posted in Misc. with tags , , , , , , on March 27, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

Whats going on everyone?  If you are a first time viewer of my blog I think you should know a few things about me and what separates my blog from “the rest.”  The first thing is that a good portion of my posts are based on real life experiences that I think are funny.  Most of the time I look like an idiot in the end, but whatever, it’s entertaining.  The second thing is, “I indossare il mio cuore sul mio manicotto,” if you don’t know what this means look it up.  Again, if its funny and entertaining I have no problem sharing it.  Please know that this is for entertainment purposes only.  I only support about… 99% of the stuff that comes out of my mouth.  Now that all of that information is shared let me get to my story.

As per request from one of my readers, I will return to my roots for this post and not mention games because they aren’t “nerds.”  I don’t even know what that means but I will try… Anyway, so I was minding my own business doing “nerdy” things on my PC, when I get an email from one of those dating sites.  Oh sweet another girl to chat with that I have no intention of meeting or even talking to.  To my surprise she was good looking so I decided to respond.  Yes, I can be that shallow on those sites because almost everyone is full of shit on it.  So again, to my pleasant surprise this girl was actually pretty cool.  I found out she is a sports fan, musician/artist, almost as smart as me (but not quite) and she seemed motivated.  Wow, what a rare set of good qualities on a dating site.  SWEEEEET!!!!!!  One day I didn’t feel like messaging on the site and asked to chat via text. My thought was – I have my phone 24/7 so lets see if both of us can actually hold a conversation + I can only have so many windows/tabs open on the comp.

We started talking around 9:30 one night and around 1 am I experienced the WTF moment.  For those of you who can actually do math, that was about 4.5 hours of talking… Close enough ;).  As I was saying, around 1 am I receive this text message.

 Yes, I blanked her name out.  No names on my blog.

“How pissed would you be if I was like a guy this whole time.” *SPOILER ALERT* I found out she wasn’t but I was caught off guard.  Seriously who the hell says something like that to someone they never met.  So weird.  I obviously continued talking but didn’t really have a response.  I can’t say “Not again,” because that hits to close to home so I coninued to think.   The only thing I could think of in response was, “What if I was a girl this entire time?”  I pressed the send button and eagerly waited for her response.  The reason I used the word eagerly was because I obviously am a dude and didn’t really care how she responded, it was a win win for me.  Let me explain…

“Jack, I am pretty sure you are a guy, you talk about sports, beer, and sex.  Occasionally you mention your company, but that is on the rarest of occasions.”  #awesome

“Jack, if your name is actually Jaclyn I would actually be more interested in meeting you.” #awesome x10

See what I mean!  I will leave the rest of the story up to your creative minds but feel free to comment if you have similar experiences or want to shoot the shit.


Cash Prize LoL league?

Posted in with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

It is almost that time of year again, the snow is gone, the sun is shining, every one is outside, my Vitamin B is at its yearly high, clothes are almost non existent, and the beautiful women are now… preparing for GamerPeer’s first League of Legends tournament.  🙂  Wait, what are you talking about Jack?  Let me explain… Actually I don’t feel like it.  If you are interested in testing your skills in League of Legends for an opportunity to win a cash prize click here.

Everything you need is on that link.  I am however going to add an extra incentive / requirement.  If the winners of the tournament/league are followers of me either on this blog, or twitter, I will throw in a $50 bonus for each member of the team.  I know it is not much, but I want to do it.  This by no way is affiliated with GamerPeer more of an individual investment.

“Why would you do this?”  Easy!

a. because I can

b. because it is entertaining

c. because I am an egotistical bastard

d. because I want more people to read/follow my blog

e. Because *See my blog title*


And people say honesty is a virtue.   Boy are they wrong. haha



Damn LoL Rage Quitters almost got me fired – again.

Posted in with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 22, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

So I was playing LoL at the ass crack of dawn this morning, trying to raise my ELO.  I am still pretty new to LoL so had to solo que.  That means that I basically have to get lucky and hope I do not get placed on a team with nbes.  Well I am about 0-3 today.  Ok, let me rephrase… I was kicking ass but I had teammates who didn’t know how to play!  They rushed in, got killed, and gave opponents points – which means his good teammates, IE me, got bent over.

Normally, I do not care because playing LoL is what I do during my 7 am conference calls.  It is so much more entertaining then listening or thinking about work and boring business stuff.  Sorry team, it is not like you ever read my blog anyway.  So back to my point.  I am kicking ass and being totally awesome in my 3rd ELO when a teammate dies for the  5th straight time.  Let’s count 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 …5 times he died!  I am obviously pretty livid.  I need to get my rank up on the North American Server and then to top it off something else happened – he said we all suck and quit.

I flipped out.  “You stupid piece of bleeeeep…”  Then I heard it, the most beautiful sound in the World that almost made me shit my pants, “Jack!”  For you new people to my blog, that is my name, my beautiful, sweet, and innocent name.  It was at that moment that I realized I did not mute my skype conference call.  “Jack, how many times have we discussed this.  You need to stay focused during our business calls!  Maybe we should talk again after this call…”  Son of a bitch, this sucks.

Anyway after my little phone rant it reminded me of a new direct tv commercial with Charlie Sheen… “Don’t reenact scenes of platoon with Charlie Sheen.” If you haven’t seen this commercial then check it out.  Funny as shit.  But this commercial got me thinking.  Not only did it make me laugh, but it reinforced the idea of why was founded.  We were sick of rage quitters, griefers, and getting matched with gamers who were nothing like us.  If you haven’t checked us out yet come join our growing gaming community and find players you want to play with for your kind of game.

To summarize:

When you don’t have peers or friends you solo que

when you solo que you get rage quitters on your team

when you get rage quitters on your team you curse

when you curse you almost lose your job

when you lose your job you don’t have free time to play LoL

Keep your job and play LoL – use

The not so top 9…

Posted in Misc. on March 21, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

So I yesterday I was playing League of Legends and had something funny happen to me.  It was so hilarious and inappropriate that I obviously had to write a blog post about it.  As an FYI, I normally don’t talk or listen to my team because most of the time they suck or annoying as shit.  However, for some reason I had an urge to be a team player and use the mic.  Anyway, I am playing as Ziggs holding down the middle lane when my teammate shouts – “Go through the bush and attack the front and I will attack her from behind… “I’m sorry, come again.”  Does he not know that the female gamer is no longer a myth but a reality.  What if she could somehow hear us?  Right now I am thinking “great, I am associated with 16-18 year old little shits, who have potty mouths, and are also perverts…If they make me lose I am going to be upset.”  Immediately after, the foul mouthed, 16 year old, types in… lets double team them and get an easy kill!!!!!! OHHHHHH I get it – you really aren’t disgusting.  You are actually trying to win/get points.  High 5 buddy.

*The enemy character we were ganking was female* -I can’t believe I am using the word gank in my blog posts now.  I really need a vacation.

  here is a screen shot of a LOL game

My team obviously won but it got me thinking.  What if that kid wasn’t actually trying to be gross or inappropriate, what if he was actually just trying to win and I took it the wrong way…  It was at that moment that I had a realization – on multiple occasions I have used video games as an afrodisiac- before any of my female readers judge me, let me explain myself.

Here it is- dated few girls, and one of the amazing pickup lines I had was, “want to come play DDR.”  Apparently chicks like dancing so it usually turned out ok.

“Time out Jack, you mean to tell me that you don’t actually like playing Dance Dance Revolution with me?”  “Sorry hun – the initial reason I bought it was because you are a lousy dancer and I wanted the opportunity to eat a cheeseburger, drink a beer, and get the high score all at the same time.”

Anyway, sorry for sidetracking but now I am ready to get to the main point of this post – the not so top 8 pickup gamer lines I have heard, in no particular order.

1.  Why don’t you go practice Wii Fit.

2.  I got stuck by a sticky bomb.  – Halo

3.  Go through the bush and attack the rear. – LoL

4.  He shoots he scores. – Any sports games

5.  If only there was a WNBA video game – it would be easier to penetrate through the middle. -NBA

6.  Want to go upstairs and play Dance Dance Revolution? -DDR

7.  Up, down, Up, down, Up, Down – kinect games

8.  I have a level 80 epic mount, want to ride it?  – World of Warcraft

9. –  watch a few seconds.

I really don’t have much else to comment on today.  Before people take this the wrong way please realize these views are my own and are written for entertainment purposes.  If you have any questions, comments, or want to contribute articles, feel free to email me at


My First Zumba Class

Posted in with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 17, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

This post is going to be dedicated to the lovely and talented Miss Christina Milian who inspired me with a tweet she posted a few days ago.

Christina Milian ‏ @CMilianOfficial –Omg I just finished doing the #Zumba fitness game on my #Xbox. And WOW! Its a real workout! Sweating a ton! I burned 510 cal! Yay!

For those of you that do not know what Zumba is, here is a quick video. I am assuming those guys were lost or confused because in the 1.5 years I have been going to the same gym, I have never seen a single guy in a class.   To put that in perspective- I was a two sport college athlete and like to stay in perfect physical shape  (yes, I am arrogant/confident/amazing, thanks) so I go to the gym about 6 times a week.  Most of the days I go to spin… err I mean pump iron in timbs and a cut off T but whatever.  Anyway, out of those 6 x 90 weeks I have never seen a guy in the zumba class.

I digress from the point, as I was saying, Christina Milian tweeted that she finished a zumba class on xbox… I was a little intrigued.  I secretly have always wanted to partake in a zumba class, not just watch from the back window.  #CreepingMakesForABetterStory.  So what did I do you ask?  I did what any bored 24 year old male would do – spent $60 on the Zumba Fitness xbox game.


Miss Milian’s impressive 540 calories burned is a record that I will never beat.  Apparently the zumba workout requires you to move and be active – not sit on the couch and watch the videos.  haha.  One of these days Christina you and I will have a zumba dance off… or something like that.  Thanks for being awesome.


*On a Side Note: I am sure I wouldn’t have spent $60 bucks on a zumba game if Justin Bieber said he works out to it.  I am sure your cool Biebs but lets be real.




Tell me I am not awesome!

Posted in, Sports / Fitness with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 15, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

So I was going through my PC and found a lot of old shit I created when I first joined the GamerPeer team.  This is a video that they did not like because of copyright issues.  To summarize – I made this flash video and can not endorse this as part of the project.  However, I think it is cool enough video and neat function on worth showing.  I really need to step my flash and anime game up a bit so over the next few weeks I will drastically improve and expand my ego even more.    

Anyway check out this flash video I made a few months ago and I dare you to try and tell me that this didn’t make your day.

Tomorrow I have an easy day so I will be talking about how Women’s National Soccer Team Stars, Alex Morgan  and Tobin Heath (check out former post tweeted about  Maybe I will include Christina Milian twitter response in tomorrow’s post, but who knows how I will be feeling tomorrow after a night out.  *Side  Note* If anyone has a good gift idea for the lovely ladies please let me know.  I am open to any and all suggestions.

I can go on and on about the recent and interesting stuff we have been doing – but that’s like finishing in 30 seconds… “Its a marathon not a sprint Jack…”  😉