The not so top 9…

So I yesterday I was playing League of Legends and had something funny happen to me.  It was so hilarious and inappropriate that I obviously had to write a blog post about it.  As an FYI, I normally don’t talk or listen to my team because most of the time they suck or annoying as shit.  However, for some reason I had an urge to be a team player and use the mic.  Anyway, I am playing as Ziggs holding down the middle lane when my teammate shouts – “Go through the bush and attack the front and I will attack her from behind… “I’m sorry, come again.”  Does he not know that the female gamer is no longer a myth but a reality.  What if she could somehow hear us?  Right now I am thinking “great, I am associated with 16-18 year old little shits, who have potty mouths, and are also perverts…If they make me lose I am going to be upset.”  Immediately after, the foul mouthed, 16 year old, types in… lets double team them and get an easy kill!!!!!! OHHHHHH I get it – you really aren’t disgusting.  You are actually trying to win/get points.  High 5 buddy.

*The enemy character we were ganking was female* -I can’t believe I am using the word gank in my blog posts now.  I really need a vacation.

  here is a screen shot of a LOL game

My team obviously won but it got me thinking.  What if that kid wasn’t actually trying to be gross or inappropriate, what if he was actually just trying to win and I took it the wrong way…  It was at that moment that I had a realization – on multiple occasions I have used video games as an afrodisiac- before any of my female readers judge me, let me explain myself.

Here it is- dated few girls, and one of the amazing pickup lines I had was, “want to come play DDR.”  Apparently chicks like dancing so it usually turned out ok.

“Time out Jack, you mean to tell me that you don’t actually like playing Dance Dance Revolution with me?”  “Sorry hun – the initial reason I bought it was because you are a lousy dancer and I wanted the opportunity to eat a cheeseburger, drink a beer, and get the high score all at the same time.”

Anyway, sorry for sidetracking but now I am ready to get to the main point of this post – the not so top 8 pickup gamer lines I have heard, in no particular order.

1.  Why don’t you go practice Wii Fit.

2.  I got stuck by a sticky bomb.  – Halo

3.  Go through the bush and attack the rear. – LoL

4.  He shoots he scores. – Any sports games

5.  If only there was a WNBA video game – it would be easier to penetrate through the middle. -NBA

6.  Want to go upstairs and play Dance Dance Revolution? -DDR

7.  Up, down, Up, down, Up, Down – kinect games

8.  I have a level 80 epic mount, want to ride it?  – World of Warcraft

9. –  watch a few seconds.

I really don’t have much else to comment on today.  Before people take this the wrong way please realize these views are my own and are written for entertainment purposes.  If you have any questions, comments, or want to contribute articles, feel free to email me at



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