Archive for Entertainment

I have a blue ball… sweet

Posted in Sports / Fitness with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 18, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades
Exercise ball, yoga ball, gym ball, blue ball, ball, chair, gamer chair

shiny blue ball

So I have had a good amount of work the past few days and noticed something kind of scary recently.  Every time I sit in my normal desk chair, I would experience incedible lower back pain when I tried getting up.  Fuck, I must be getting old.  So I asked a few old people with back pain and they suggested I try getting “blue balls.”  (See above)  That’s right, they suggested I purchase one of the gym balls that are supposed to be used for balance and strengthen your core.  Sweet, I can sit on my ass doing work for hours upon hours and tighten my core.   Hmmm… Does anyone else think this sounds awfully close to other exercise gimmicks?

shake weight, southpark, exercise equipment, gym, work out, sweat,

the shake weight... Hold this with both hands while we vibrate the shit out of it. You will feel the burn in no time.

ab vibrator, ab workout, workout, sitting on your ass, easy workout, lose weight

Sit on your ass while we massage your belly. Feel the pounds vibrate off.

Anyway, I am going to give my blue balls… err blue ball a shot for a few days, maybe even a week.  If anyone is curious to see if it helps the back pain please feel free to email or comment below.  I need to go out work out now.

Fat guy, beer, drinking beer, tv, man, video games, overweight

It's cool though... I held the vibrating stick for 5 minutes and have my ab belt on. @LosingweightLOL


This is hilarious… a true wtf moment

Posted in Misc. with tags , , , , , , on March 27, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

Whats going on everyone?  If you are a first time viewer of my blog I think you should know a few things about me and what separates my blog from “the rest.”  The first thing is that a good portion of my posts are based on real life experiences that I think are funny.  Most of the time I look like an idiot in the end, but whatever, it’s entertaining.  The second thing is, “I indossare il mio cuore sul mio manicotto,” if you don’t know what this means look it up.  Again, if its funny and entertaining I have no problem sharing it.  Please know that this is for entertainment purposes only.  I only support about… 99% of the stuff that comes out of my mouth.  Now that all of that information is shared let me get to my story.

As per request from one of my readers, I will return to my roots for this post and not mention games because they aren’t “nerds.”  I don’t even know what that means but I will try… Anyway, so I was minding my own business doing “nerdy” things on my PC, when I get an email from one of those dating sites.  Oh sweet another girl to chat with that I have no intention of meeting or even talking to.  To my surprise she was good looking so I decided to respond.  Yes, I can be that shallow on those sites because almost everyone is full of shit on it.  So again, to my pleasant surprise this girl was actually pretty cool.  I found out she is a sports fan, musician/artist, almost as smart as me (but not quite) and she seemed motivated.  Wow, what a rare set of good qualities on a dating site.  SWEEEEET!!!!!!  One day I didn’t feel like messaging on the site and asked to chat via text. My thought was – I have my phone 24/7 so lets see if both of us can actually hold a conversation + I can only have so many windows/tabs open on the comp.

We started talking around 9:30 one night and around 1 am I experienced the WTF moment.  For those of you who can actually do math, that was about 4.5 hours of talking… Close enough ;).  As I was saying, around 1 am I receive this text message.

 Yes, I blanked her name out.  No names on my blog.

“How pissed would you be if I was like a guy this whole time.” *SPOILER ALERT* I found out she wasn’t but I was caught off guard.  Seriously who the hell says something like that to someone they never met.  So weird.  I obviously continued talking but didn’t really have a response.  I can’t say “Not again,” because that hits to close to home so I coninued to think.   The only thing I could think of in response was, “What if I was a girl this entire time?”  I pressed the send button and eagerly waited for her response.  The reason I used the word eagerly was because I obviously am a dude and didn’t really care how she responded, it was a win win for me.  Let me explain…

“Jack, I am pretty sure you are a guy, you talk about sports, beer, and sex.  Occasionally you mention your company, but that is on the rarest of occasions.”  #awesome

“Jack, if your name is actually Jaclyn I would actually be more interested in meeting you.” #awesome x10

See what I mean!  I will leave the rest of the story up to your creative minds but feel free to comment if you have similar experiences or want to shoot the shit.


Damn LoL Rage Quitters almost got me fired – again.

Posted in with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 22, 2012 by Jack Of all Trades

So I was playing LoL at the ass crack of dawn this morning, trying to raise my ELO.  I am still pretty new to LoL so had to solo que.  That means that I basically have to get lucky and hope I do not get placed on a team with nbes.  Well I am about 0-3 today.  Ok, let me rephrase… I was kicking ass but I had teammates who didn’t know how to play!  They rushed in, got killed, and gave opponents points – which means his good teammates, IE me, got bent over.

Normally, I do not care because playing LoL is what I do during my 7 am conference calls.  It is so much more entertaining then listening or thinking about work and boring business stuff.  Sorry team, it is not like you ever read my blog anyway.  So back to my point.  I am kicking ass and being totally awesome in my 3rd ELO when a teammate dies for the  5th straight time.  Let’s count 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 …5 times he died!  I am obviously pretty livid.  I need to get my rank up on the North American Server and then to top it off something else happened – he said we all suck and quit.

I flipped out.  “You stupid piece of bleeeeep…”  Then I heard it, the most beautiful sound in the World that almost made me shit my pants, “Jack!”  For you new people to my blog, that is my name, my beautiful, sweet, and innocent name.  It was at that moment that I realized I did not mute my skype conference call.  “Jack, how many times have we discussed this.  You need to stay focused during our business calls!  Maybe we should talk again after this call…”  Son of a bitch, this sucks.

Anyway after my little phone rant it reminded me of a new direct tv commercial with Charlie Sheen… “Don’t reenact scenes of platoon with Charlie Sheen.” If you haven’t seen this commercial then check it out.  Funny as shit.  But this commercial got me thinking.  Not only did it make me laugh, but it reinforced the idea of why was founded.  We were sick of rage quitters, griefers, and getting matched with gamers who were nothing like us.  If you haven’t checked us out yet come join our growing gaming community and find players you want to play with for your kind of game.

To summarize:

When you don’t have peers or friends you solo que

when you solo que you get rage quitters on your team

when you get rage quitters on your team you curse

when you curse you almost lose your job

when you lose your job you don’t have free time to play LoL

Keep your job and play LoL – use